December 12th, 2008 Pensive.
Well this week - to make a change - has had some relatively note worthy highlights - or should that be low-lights? - to it.
I spent hours; literally around five and half hours putting together a bed I bought from IKEA, only to find out that the people who designed the wretched thing have failed to realise a major flaw - the Slats fall through. Now admittedly at first I thought “Oh shit, my excessively sized arse has broken my new bed”; and with that in mind it automatically depressed me. After a lot of thinking, I concluded that couldn’t be the case as the actual slats fall through the bed; so I did some searching. Now apparently this has been happening all over the world with Ikea Beds, and it’s far from uncommon.
So I’ve phoned up Ikea, and I’m awaiting their response on my orders for them to come and dissemble the thing, take it away, and give me a full refund - including the thirty pound delivery charge that came along with it. I do hope - for their sake - that they think wisely and choose to do that, otherwise I will be extremely annoyed, and once I’m on a rant on the phone there really is no going back. I’ve had more than enough when it comes to companies pissing about with sloppy services.
Which brings me nicely on to Sky. They seem to have redeemed themselves today though after realising their catestrophic failures and plain rudeness; but it’s not the point. I was promised by the man who I spoke to on the phone to order the TV, Phone and Internet that I would have the internet on Tuesday 2nd December… Did that happen? Of course not, because the man lied to me, and to my Mum and Grandfather when he said he had placed the order; and yet was fully able to take bank account details to extort money.
I’ve had enough of it all; I’ve spent hours on the phone trying to sort out problems that other people have created. I didn’t cock up a Sky order, nor did I design a bed that doesn’t actually allow you to sleep on the thing; yet I have to phone up and sort it all out.
As for School, well the usual. Nothing particularly amazing; although I did gain a “D” in my Chemistry coursework! Not good really, but better than an “E”.
I get the sense now that the teachers are really just counting down the seconds until they can leave next Friday; it’s been a really long term, and with the onset of what appears to be chronic flu everywhere no one seems to be particularly sprightly.
As for me, I don’t want the holidays to come. I hate this time of year, I associate it with things that always seem to go wrong - the past couple of weeks a perfect example - and a series of other events that has occurred over the years. I seriously hate it; and the thought of not actually having School to take me away from it all, just depresses me even more. For me, there is no celebrating, and what’s worse is that I’m off School for two weeks when four days after I get back I have a Chemistry exam I am going to fail. Not good timing really?
As for the title of the Blog - I’ve been thinking. Now this isn’t my normal “mind rant” thinking; I’m actually too tired for that. I’ve come to realise I tend to offer advice to people quite a lot - I’ve always been one of those people who people just tell things too, and somehow I can help people with problems even though I’ve never encountered them myself - yet I don’t tell anyone anything.
Now it’s all happy and good for me to say to my friends and to anyone really that they should do this, be doing that, thinking about something or not; yet when it comes to myself I just don’t do anything. I don’t take heed of my advice, and thinking about it, I really should.
I bog myself down with my own crap, my own thoughts and questions, things wish I could actually speak to people about, but yet never do… But I’m more than happy to say to someone else that they should go and speak to someone about what it is that is bothering or affecting them.
It’s hypocritical, and I hate it.
Even worse, I get into these moods, or states where I wonder about the possibilities of things; how if maybe I didn’t pussyfoot around people and pretend to be things which I’m not be it emotionally or whatever, then I would probably be a happier and generally nicer person… Then that horrible loner, reclusive side makes an unwelcome appearance and I’m back to my old boring self again.
See, I use the word “boring” to describe myself - other people describe me as boring - I’m bloody seventeen yet most people would assume I’m in my middle ages. I’m not a boring person really, I’m just too bloody reclusive, and private and I suppose fearful of people to be a fun person.
And that is such a horrible way to think of myself. I think about the person I could be - and within me, I am outgoing, I am cool, and I’m not so argumentative, and reserved; but that defensive side to me won’t allow me to be that.
How depressing… And you know what, I’m actually depressing myself at the moment too. I need a best friend, a confidante, someone; but even that’s an issue, I never let friends get to truly know me… No one has ever known my secrets, or any part of me that has any real depth or anything like that.
Hmm, before I start depressing myself even more, and realising that I’m going to wind up a lonely old spinster who just writes blogs as her only form or relief; I’ll leave it at this.
Samantha.
(http://www.thesamantha.co.nr)
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